Growth Mindset: Share the Growth Mindset Concept with Someone

My friend Tony told me that he flunked his calculus exam. He said that he is feeling really bad because he now was in a situation that he had to change his major. He had been an electrical engineering major, but he couldn't sustain his major because he wasn't doing well in math classes. He told me that he likes engineering and making stuffs, but he never understood why the major required all the "unnecessary" conceptual math courses that he dreaded. Because he failed calculus classes twice, he told me that he had lost his scholarships and were asking his parents to pay his tuition. 

When I heard Tony's tragic story about failing classes, I couldn't agree with him more. I've failed classes before and I myself changed my majors three times. So I taught and shared him about my survival strategy, which is to relax and not blaming oneself for the result or consequences. 

We're told that we "choose" our lives and we're "responsible" for all that happen. I disagree. Often we are lucky and and more than often we find ourselves in a situation that is unlucky and uncontrollable. When we take responsibility for everything that we couldn't have control over, we over-agonize and I think that's truly dangerous. Overagonizing and stressing over oneself for everything that's happened can truly drown someone's energy like my friend Tony's case. 

I told my friend that it's not your fault. The professors were, in my opinion, ruthless and uncaring. The circumstances around him were tough and unforgiving. Yes Tony did make some personal mistakes, but in my opinion, that shouldn't have landed him at 57. The instructor graded extremely ruthlessly and there are several other students who were in Tony's situations as well. 

So it's dangerous to be overly responsible and beating up oneself. Sometimes we have to let ourselves loose and relax and don't think too much about who's responsible and agonize.

It's not your fault. Source: It's not your fault