Famous Last Words: Overcoming depression
Time has come to judgment. This is dead week and I see no sign of survival for my traditional, in-class classes. Worries and intrusive thoughts are damaging my head. I'm at a very grim, perhaps the most abyss point of my life.
Yes the classes are all upper-division and each one of those classes require LOTS of assignments. Exams and essays are tough and harshly graded. For someone like me who is an international student from a foreign country where nobody speaks English, I think different standards need to be applied. How in the sane world am I supposed to perform at the same level as American students who has spoken only English over 18 plus years. I started learning this language in 2016 (before that, I learned English like American high school students learn basic Spanish) and I think I'm still not ready to write "academic" papers with lots of research and citations. Nor am I ready to take exams that have essay questions.
But what about the tuition though? International students are not U.S. citizen nor are they permanent residents. We cannot apply for scholarships and most of us depend solely on funding from parents. We pay out-of-state tuition and special international student fees (I have no idea why they charge us so much) and pay at least 2.5x more than Oklahoma students.
I wish people are kinder. I do take all the blame for my personal failures. But I still refuse to take that Western thinking (that started in Greek times) that individuals are responsible for their "choices". What if circumstances are extra tough like mine? Oh well. They're not me, so they'll never understand what it's like to study abroad with a foreign language and how tough it is.
As far as this class goes, I can pass this class owing to Dr. Laura's kindness and care. I wish all the other male professors in my traditional classes were like Dr. Laura. I wish they understand how extra difficult it is for me.
If I take full responsibility for my failure, it would be too much for me. I can't handle depression. It honestly discouraged me a lot when I wrote a paper with all that were required and got 57. Once again, I just wish some academics are kinder. We're just students..
Yes the classes are all upper-division and each one of those classes require LOTS of assignments. Exams and essays are tough and harshly graded. For someone like me who is an international student from a foreign country where nobody speaks English, I think different standards need to be applied. How in the sane world am I supposed to perform at the same level as American students who has spoken only English over 18 plus years. I started learning this language in 2016 (before that, I learned English like American high school students learn basic Spanish) and I think I'm still not ready to write "academic" papers with lots of research and citations. Nor am I ready to take exams that have essay questions.
But what about the tuition though? International students are not U.S. citizen nor are they permanent residents. We cannot apply for scholarships and most of us depend solely on funding from parents. We pay out-of-state tuition and special international student fees (I have no idea why they charge us so much) and pay at least 2.5x more than Oklahoma students.
I wish people are kinder. I do take all the blame for my personal failures. But I still refuse to take that Western thinking (that started in Greek times) that individuals are responsible for their "choices". What if circumstances are extra tough like mine? Oh well. They're not me, so they'll never understand what it's like to study abroad with a foreign language and how tough it is.
As far as this class goes, I can pass this class owing to Dr. Laura's kindness and care. I wish all the other male professors in my traditional classes were like Dr. Laura. I wish they understand how extra difficult it is for me.
If I take full responsibility for my failure, it would be too much for me. I can't handle depression. It honestly discouraged me a lot when I wrote a paper with all that were required and got 57. Once again, I just wish some academics are kinder. We're just students..
International students. Source: International students from other countries
Comments
Post a Comment